Written By Rhonda Ashurst-Weir |
Have you ever watched helplessly while your ?Inner Jerk? took over and made a complete mess out of a situation? Inside each of us lives a family of selves?Professional, Parent, Spouse, Pleaser, and Inner Jerk?to name a few. When one of them acts out, it?s usually a sign they are feeling ignored and rejected.
The concept of sub-personalities is an ancient one and influenced the work of psychological theorists like Freud and Jung. Jung did extensive work on identifying archetypal energies, which universally express themselves in human personalities worldwide. These ideas also influenced the work of gifted family therapists, such as Virginia Satir.
If this sounds like Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD), it?s not. Actually MPD is treated by helping the disowned selves to connect and communicate with each other again. The state of our mental health is deeply affected by how well our inner family is getting along, and how aware we are of the dynamics between the various selves. The Voice Dialogue technique, developed by Hal and Sidra Stone, is a simple way to begin the process of getting to know your inner family.
Some real life examples of working with inner selves:
KT, a loving mother, is walking with her son and their four dogs. She?s in a bad mood for no identifiable reason, and the yipping playfulness of her entourage is tromping on her last nerve. They discover a mud puddle?she explodes, yelling at her son and kicking the dogs. Later she realizes what happened: I was being a real jerk. We were supposed to be playing and having fun. Then I suddenly remembered to check myself and there was my Inner Jerk. I pictured myself hugging her, like I?d do for my son if he was having a bad day. The image snapped me out of my funk and I was able to apologize to my son, pat the dogs, laugh at myself and enjoy the rest of the walk.
In processing this later, she discovered she had been ignoring her own need to play in mud puddles. Her Inner Jerk was acting out to get her attention and, as it often happens when we ?diss? a part of ourselves, she directed her inner frustration at her loved ones. Her homework assignment for the week was to go play in her own mud puddle.
HJ, a gifted writer, is struggling with a serious case of writer?s block. A deadline is looming and he is staring at a blank screen. He is encouraged to explore his inner selves and finds that his Critic is fighting with his Muse. He is led through a dialogue between the two and makes an interesting discovery, they both want the same thing?quality writing. They each have a role in the process: the Muse creates and the Critic edits. They are fighting for control, leading to the block. The dialogue leads to a fascinating solution. The Critic agrees to step back while the Muse is drafting; the Muse agrees to step back while the Critic is editing.
So, next time you find yourself being an unbearable tyrant, try a little loving on that Inner Jerk. If your inner casts of characters are quarreling, call a timeout and see if you can?t get them to agree on a common goal, even if their means of getting there are different. An interesting side effect of this inner work is it also works marvelously with difficult people. Maybe you can?t bring yourself to hug them, but try softening your heart and see what happens.
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References:
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1. Satir, Virginia. Your Many Faces. Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts, 1978.
2. Jung, Carl G.. Memories, Dreams, Reflections (Aniela Jaffe, Ed.; Richard & Clara Winston, Translators). New York: Random House, 1961.
3. http://www.voice-dialogue-inner-self-awareness.com
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